Birhtday countdown: 4 more days

Gassy Lady

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.

A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.

Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming froma pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!

C:  OMG!!!!!!  How embarassing!!!  I will never ever wanna play blindfold games again.  You will never know what is install for you when you can't see a thing.

 

Summary: Woke up under protective net to a swarm of hundreds of large cockroaches, about 1 inch or longer, crawling and flying chaotically in the bedroom. In another incident the toilet bowl was covered entirely with thousands of tiny harmless black ants.

It was probably in 1973 or 74 when these occurrences happened. I came home for vacation with my parents and family. I was given the room which my father had added to the old house while I was a young man, student and living with them. Most people in that country commonly sleep under a net, about 7x4x4 feet, as protection against insects. On my first night I woke up to hear some buzzing sound just outside the net. I already knew it was the sound of flying cockroaches. The ceiling lamp had a switch to which was attached a long pull cord which hanged down on the net and right beside the bed. In the darkness of the room, I carefully grabbed the pull cord under the net and turned on the lamp. My goodness ... a swarm of hundreds of large cockroaches, about one inch or longer, were chaotically crawling and flying outside the net, on the net and all over the room. Some were already crawling on my arm while I was reaching for the cord and some had already entered the net! Now one of the insects that creep me out is large cockroaches. These insects fly like brainless crazy idiots and land anywhere including a person's body and then crawl under your clothes. I don't even want to imagine this happening to me! Upon seeing this swarm of these pests, I ran like hell out of the net, and outside the room. I ended up in the driveway swatting off these pests that were already crawling on my arms and shirt and crushing them on the floor. I think I slept in my car if not in a motel that night. In the morning after this incident everybody saw the cockroaches which trapped themselves in the net and those I had crushed on the floor. I exchanged room with my younger brother during the rest of my vacation. He wasn't bothered even by one large cockroach.

My brother was the most previous occupant of that room and said he had never seen that kind of cockroach frolic. Also, the room had been rented out previously before and there had been no such complaints from the tenants. So I have no idea why me?

Another time, also during my visit there, I was about to use the toilet. As I entered the bathroom the toilet was covered entirely with thousands of tiny black ants. This is the ant species that inhabits homes. They are harmless and would feast on spills of sweet food such as syrups, candies, beverages, etc. I did my bathroom business somewhere else then came back in less than 3 minutes to check if I should spray them with insecticide. The swarm had gone, not a trace of one of them left. If this had been the normal migration of these ants, they would have moved on to their next site in orderly way, like a caravan or convoy and very slowly. I would have seen where they were going. But this swarm just disappeared without a trace within less than 3 minutes.

 

I am happy to announce that my dear M is embarking into his new career as a CEO.  His recording company is gonna be his "NEW HOME" and his "BABY".  Hereby i would like to wish him all the best and best wishes!!!

Also...... On this coming Monday 23rd March is gonna be my BIRTHDAY!!!   more days to go.  Weeeeeeeee!

Scroll down to read 2 more new entries.

Life’s Tough When You’re Stupid

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's butt and pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”

The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.  What do you think?

Whaddya think? Did Japanese regional beer Takahashi come up with the idea for these brews as part of market expansion plans to America's red and blue states, as an ode to the choice given Neo of Matrix fame, or out of nostalgia toward Dr. Seuss?

C:  Looks yummy!